


Habits

by Hannifluff



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Gen, Self-Harm, implied depression, implied verbal abuse, scissors, unhealthy coping mechanism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-24
Updated: 2018-08-24
Packaged: 2019-07-02 00:26:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15785199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hannifluff/pseuds/Hannifluff
Summary: Some habits are hard to kick.





	Habits

**Author's Note:**

> This story contains :   
> Self-Harm ; Implied Depression ; Implied verbal and emotional abuse/parental abuse  
> so if you are sensitive to any of these topics, proceed with caution  
> None of it is explicit however !

**_"You probably don't even want to get better !"_ **

His mother's voice still rang in his ears, her sharp words fresh in his mind yet all her accusations seemed to crash into each other, a whirlwind of disappointment and anger.  
Lovino sat down on the edge of his bed slowly, slowly, he had to control himself, trying to blink back the tears that were threatening to overflow.   
If his mother saw him crying, then ...  
Falling back against the pillows, the Italian stared blankly at the ceiling and took a deep breath, _calm_ , he had to calm down.

What would she do if she saw her son now ?  
Would she ignore him ?  
Yell at him ?  
Tell him how pathetic he was ?  
Would she spiral into another rant about how she always had to fix his mistakes, why couldn't he do anything _right, why was he such a stupid unreliable worthless-_

He needed this.

The bottom drawer of Lovino's cupboard was practically overflowing with sketchbooks, pens he had long since stopped using, loose sheets of paper and empty folders.   
And beneath it all, a single pair of scissors he hadn't used in almost a year.  
Scissors in hand, the Italian practically threw himself onto his bed, do it quickly, now, _hurry_.

Cold metal slid against the skin of his arm and a sigh of relief left his lips.  
Nine on the left.  
Four on the right.  
The slight sting gave way to a pleasant, tingling numbness.  
The bright red lines stood out against his pale skin (he used to have a tan, didn't he ?).

It felt _good_.

Depositing the scissors on his bedside table, Lovino got up once more to pick his favorite hoodie off the ground, ignoring the steadily growing heap of dirty laudry he hadn't put in the laundry basket, and quickly put it on, effectively covering his arms.

Surely it wasn't that bad.  
It wasn't like he actually made himself _bleed_ , after all.  
And it wasn't like anyone would ask.

_'Are you okay ?'_  
Of course. Lovino didn't care about anything, did he ?

Not about school.  
Not about his friends.  
Not about his family.

**_Not about himself._ **

**Author's Note:**

> This was incredibly self-indulgent for many reasons, and I like to think making a fictional character suffer is healthier than what I described here.   
> Obviously, self-harm is not the proper way to cope with your emotions and should never be, but sadly there are many many people who resort to this behaviour. Reasons for self-harm vary and what people feel or what this harm means to them is subjective, this is simply my interpretation as to what the reasons could be.


End file.
